Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Two words: blizzard sex
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
