I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
