I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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