You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
