sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
