I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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