I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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