Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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