I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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