I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We left the knife in your bed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
