I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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