Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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