I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
