Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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