So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
