just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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