his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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