Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
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Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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