after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
