My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
