Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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