My first STD was from a foam party
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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