It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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