It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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