He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
