Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
