I cannot find my penis.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
