Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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