My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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