I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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