Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
