i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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