hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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