Ambien. No doubt about it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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