My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.