Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

i may or may not be watching the land before time

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(404): i may or may not be watching the land before time http://tfl.nu/fmo5

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(778): View more from British Columbia

No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.

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(778): No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do. http://tfl.nu/1xvv

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(816): View more from Missouri

Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!

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(816): Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?! http://tfl.nu/jlrn

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(516): View more from New York

You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.

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(516): You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit. http://tfl.nu/xfz2

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!

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(336): Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!! http://tfl.nu/krm8

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin

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(610): just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin http://tfl.nu/q7yy

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(360): View more from Washington

I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.

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(360): I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer. http://tfl.nu/agxw

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(248): View more from Michigan

im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...

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(248): im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend... http://tfl.nu/rj6y

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(360): View more from Washington

i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.

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(360): i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident. http://tfl.nu/ming

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(302): View more from Delaware

All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?

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(302): All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation? http://tfl.nu/0s1x

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions

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(609): Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles? (1-609): In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions http://tfl.nu/67pw

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(865): View more from Tennessee

She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.

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(865): She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise. http://tfl.nu/2xsu

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(509): View more from Washington

Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".

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(509): Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable". http://tfl.nu/w1e1

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(314): View more from Missouri

I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.

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(314): I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over. http://tfl.nu/eyog

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm officially in the Christmas spirit

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(610): THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER (1-610): I'm officially in the Christmas spirit http://tfl.nu/grxs

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