he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want nice things and good sex
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack