It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst