Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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