how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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