to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
