physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
