girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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