dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
