i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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