I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
