waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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