Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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