So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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