she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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