Im at strip club and am horny
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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