it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
