Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
