you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
50% drunk capacity currently
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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