Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
