Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
