You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You have to summon your inner elephant
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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