I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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