I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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