4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
