he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize