It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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