Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
