Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
