i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
