So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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