Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
