oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
